Disclaimer: Don't take everything to be true!

take flight 72 on aug. 15 at 2:20 pm
go to church sat. morning

to do list
buy luggage
take passport photos
order contacts?

"The Deadliest Warrior" on Spike
Anime
Make the transition from chords to tabs
Finishing incomplete songs
The Force Unleashed
The Clone Wars
Exercise
Prep-ing for Korea
Prep-ing for NY
Brushing up on my Italian
Brushing up on my French
Write a song in Italian
Do the tourism challenge with Pancake
Try to play ball without getting any mosquito bites
Start a neighborhood kickball game
Memorize tekken combos so I can own at work
Revisit Psych textbooks for leisurely reading
Watch Kobe make history
Catch Scrubs every night
Read Jane Eyre, Animal Farm, the Chyrsalids, and 1984 again
Return to the piano =S
Write a song on the piano
Stop drinking coffee!
Sleep!/Late nights on pure volume and imeem like old times

 

the type of guy i could live in poverty with as long as we had the opportunity to make music

I'm not asking to be your girlfriend
You don't ever need to hold my hand
I'll let you see my heart, but you don't have to be the one to fix it

Don't try to shape it so it'll suit you
Mind the parts already black and blue
And if I should ever be empty of life, just let it run on music

And I'm not looking for love
Just a complementary part to a musical piece
Besides, I've already got a boyfriend
He's got 6 strings, and a sound that never fails to please
What could a boy and a girl ever do
If they're not heading for a bed? Well,...
ars gratia artis... ars gratia artis

I'm not looking for bragging rights
A chance at face or my name in lights
I don't ever need to be heard on the radio
I just want the sounds and sights
The feeling of trying with all my might
To come up with some way to really let my feelings show

Ooh I'm not looking for love
Just a complementary part to a musical piece
Besides, I've already got a boyfriend
He's got 6 strings, and a sound that never fails to please
What could a boy and a girl ever do
If they're not heading for a bed? Well,...
ars gratia artis... ars gratia artis

That's more than enough for me

Since your passing, I've written so many things but I've never had
                                                             the will to share them
'Cause if I let someone else besides you see my work,
                             I wouldn't get the same satisfaction
'Cause you could read a grocery list out loud and make it sound
                                                                     like a proclamation
Oooh, you were my muse, my gospel, opera, and blues, and you're
                                                                           still my inspiration

in true father fashion you always sang about
                              facing your final curtain
and I'm just waiting backstage,
                           until we can be together again

OOh, I could sing about my one true love
or of those reminiscent moments looking out at the sea
but I'd rather sing this song in my heart
which brings back memories of daddy

I miss the sound of you slowly but surely making your way up the stairs
Oh, how you made the steps creak from under your feet
                                                                          it was music to my ears
I would hope that when you'd reach the top you'd 
                                                                come and see me
To tell me once again I'm in way over my head
and that I deserve  to spend the whole day in bed

Though that doesn't sound so appealing to me
It was nice to know that you cared so deeply

OOh, I could sing about my one true love
or of those reminiscent moments looking out at the sea
but I'd rather sing this song in my heart
which brings back memories of daddy

Ooh, your weathered hands, your thoughtful eyes
your reverent voice, your charm, your smile...
I'll be missing them for a while...

OOh, I could sing about my one true love
or of those reminiscent moments looking out at the sea
but I'd rather sing this song in my heart
which brings back memories of daddy

This song is actually about my dear Uncle Romey aka "Papa Romey" because he was like another father to me
(though our time together was short).  He passed away three years ago, and though I had only met him the year before he passed, he inspired me a lot in the way that he was so devoted to God up until his very last breath.  Mama Norma told me about this time when Papa Romey actually had a bad fall outside their townhouse in New York, so much so that he was at risk of dying from any potential trauma to the head.  However, he continued to make for the car so he could get on his way to church, and when Mama Norma reminded him of the risks he was posing for himself, he passionately replied, "Then let me die in service to God" 

One of the lines talks about him singing "My Way" (which I swear is every dad's theme song haha), and although I had originally written this with hopes to appropriately represent my cousin's perspective (as his daughter), I admit that this particular line has personal sentiments for me.  It's from my memory of Papa Romey singing "My Way" at our New Year's Eve family party, and at that moment I had released myself from any anxiety I felt about not making it to Times Square for New Years.  It really touched me to have him join in on the fun (and to actually sing something decent since we were singing cindy lauper, madonna, and tiffany songs before then haha).  He really set the tone for our family gathering, and I was so thankful for that!

sincerely, me

Ma points to Milo's leftover DQ and says "Jordan! Your garbage!"
Diddy goes "OOOOh... see Jordan? You're garbage!"


Hahahahahaha!! Diddy totally owned Milo!!

sincerely, me

it's the full-on chords that get me
and the millions of spider legs running across the keys
that out-of-body experience that you get from the bench
this possession that the instrument has over you

can be a release, even an escape
but i'm not ready to succumb just yet
because it isn't just the piano which overtakes me
but it is your spirit as well, which resonates in every vibration

and is waiting on ever stagnant string, ready to spring
at the sound of keys longing to be played for a while now
is it time now? to face the music of me playing from here
and with you...just...in there?

what i'd give for a little warmth from your proximity on the right
that dip in the cushion which comfortably tilts me towards you
another set of hands showing me the way in upper scales
a voice to guide me through the  tune i 'm striving to find

to have you next to me, to see you alive 

again

Someone is off in an adjacent room, pounding away at the keys of a piano that leaks into this hall--which reminds me of a scene out of Harry Potter with its high ceilings, stained glass windows, and old English furnishings.  I love listening to people play the piano--it's almost like experiencing part of their passion as you allow the music to sink into your brain and work at the tangles that everyday life has construed.  However, pianos serve as a sad reminder of the sounds that no longer wake me up on Saturday morningl; the sounds that made it worth waking up on a Saturday morning.  I miss nana so much, and whenever I come across a really talented player, I dwell in the fact that I'm sure she would have loved to meet him or her.  I also feel a little envious because I'm sure she would have wanted me to be as good as them, but I'd like to think that maybe I compensated for that by picking up the guitar, and of course, offering my voice as the accompaniment to the piano which was the true lead.  I never took offense when she would tell me to "just sing" (hahahahhaha!) because even though I'm not claiming to be a remarkable singer or anything, I do believe I contribute more with my voice than I do with my skills on the piano.  Anyway, nana has 6 other piano-playing grandkids to choose from, and only one singer/guitarist so why not?  I enjoy those things more anyway.   

Listening to this music reminds me of those days before Past10 or even Kill-joyce.  Though my parents were the ones who blessed me with this old soul drenched in oldies music, and a voice that served as the soundtrack to my life way before the first iPod ever came out, nana was the one who really encouraged me to translate all of that to an instrument.  I remember learning to play one of my older sis's piano pieces by ear when I was 5 and showing nana with so much self-satisfaction that I was sure to get at least $5 out of this.  Instead, nana told me that if I really wanted to learn how to play, I should take lessons from her (then she left the room, and I'm pretty sure she was giggling on the other side of the door).  It's that kind of speech, that candor which drove me to make this decision--along with many other decisions--that I thought I was doing out of some sort of spite, but it turned out to be for my best interest after all.  That's what I love about nana, and that's what I miss about her too.

I think I'll start practising the piano more often.

"Come and see me
Sing me to sleep
Come and free me
Or hold me if i need to weep
Or maybe it's not the season
Or maybe it's not the year
Or maybe there's no good reason
Why i'm locked up inside
Just cause they wanna hide me
The moon goes bright
The darker they make my night

Unplayed pianos
Are often by a window
In a room where nobody loved goes
She sits alone with her silent song
Somebody bring her home"

sincerely, me

how many bookmarks have you embraced?
how many noses have you grazed?
the scent of your pages contain tiny traces of each finger that
gently fondled you on rainy days

I wish you could tell me about all of the places you've been
how you got all of the scars on your skin
and if you could choose, what would your barcode be?

does anyone ever think these things except for me?

hahahahahahaha!  i know...RANDOM!  Maybe I was thinking of this because I was watching Hayoa Miyazaki's "Whisper of the Heart" and it turned out to be like one of my fantasies of attracting someone with your love for books.  Unfortunately, I tend to read with this look like I'm going to go karate on someone's ass because I just get so into what I'm reading, so I doubt I'll actually catch someone's eye that way.  Maybe it'll happen when someone notices me running around the city clutching my book close to my chest while my Mary Poppin's purse is helplessly dangling from the other arm.  Well...there's always the CD store too =)

sincerely, me

I'm anxious to refract this sweet sunlight  right off of my pocket mirror
and aim it right into your face, so that
you'd have to squint and then maybe that's when you'll see even
a spec of that hazel that should stop you in your place


tbc

shamwow
cutco
ped egg (hahaha...just kidding?)
nuwave oven

"If he's making a point to ignore you, he ain't ignoring you at all"

-The Rainmaker

http://www.imeem.com/masarap820/music/czV93nS5/passion_lemonade/

Last night, I was talking nonsense with Pancake as usual.  Somehow, this crazy conversation led him to exclaim, "MEXICAN ICE CREAM PIZZA" and the first thing that popped into my head was "that sounds like the love of my life".  As much as I tried to run with that idea, I couldn't properly combine the three, and that gave me the idea that maybe in this world you can't ever get the perfect combination of everything you want.  Even though this was essentially a meaningless conversation, my interpretation of it left me feeling a little emo in the end. 

This morning, I was a little too sleepy to go straight to class so I wanted to grab some coffee on the way.  The only kind of extravagance I expected was to get a shot of french vanilla in my cappuccino, but to my delight I discovered a new beverage: almond roca cappuccino.  I absolutely love almond roca, AND I absolutely love cappucinos!  I may even love those things just as much as I love mexican food, ice cream, and pizza; so even though I wasn't able to find all of that in one, I loved EVERYTHING about this new "one" in my life.  

The moral of the lesson:  Mexican ice cream pizzas may not exist, but there is an almond roca cappucino out there for you to enjoy just as much--one that you can have all to yourself--one that you can love for everything that it is, despite the fact that it isn't what  you thought your ideal was supposed to be.

sincerely, me

http://www.imeem.com/hana-life/video/oFcHJSa4/avenged_sevenfoldalmost_easy_music_video/

The kind of glow I'd like to give off
is the one that comes from being engulfed in your flames
You know that if I came across your fire
at the bottom of a dark, dismal pit
i'd jump right in

Inspired by Avenged Sevenfold's video for "Almost easy"

That song is GENIUS!!

sincerely, me

Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard are sweeter


This is so true.  Take for instance a forbidden romance.  It's better to just live your lives the way you do--with subtle signs of affection, and enticing but secret encounters.  That way, you aren't doing anything wrong, and you can continue to have this unspoken bond.  If one were to try to analyze or discuss it with the other, the bond would dissipate in confrontation.  It would make things awkward, and the relationship would lose its spark. 

Sometimes, nothing needs to be said--better yet, nothing said is perfect.  It's like when books are ruined through its translation into movies.  As long as we have no concrete representation of something, our minds are free to make it our own.  We're free to see it whichever way we want to see it.  We're free to keep it however we want to keep it

Wish I could be the one, the one who could give you love
the kind of love you really need
Wish I could say to you, that I'll always stay with you
but baby that's not me
You need someone willing to give their heart and soul to you
Promise you forever, baby that's something I can't do
Oh I could say that I'll be all you need
but that would be a crime
I know I'd only hurt you, I know I'd only make you cry
I'm not the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye

sincerely, me

That look of terror in your eyes bore everlasting crevices in my head
It made me want to switch places with you, to spare you from the hurt

If I could have just entered your mind, just for a moment
I would have devoured those hazy visions that made you tremble in bed

No words could have affected me more than the slightest flicker of your eyebrow
The one that would tell me that you still knew me sometimes

Yes, the weakness of your circulation rendered your fingers cold
but the touch of your hand could have melted a glacier (along with my heart)

Standing next to you as you lay there reminds me of when I'd watch you sleep
you're just as pretty as you were when you would clutch Tats's hand

Though I found solace in the image of your peaceful stature at rest
I knew the end was near, and I couldn't exhale until I'd see a sign of your breath

Now, it's like I'm playing that game again
Until I see you breathe, I cannot seem to exhale

My eyes are straining to detect even just one small gesture
It's hopeless, I know, but I still hold my breath

At times, I think I see you breathing
I let out a long sigh when I hear you laugh

I realize it's just a figment of my imagination
but still, it remains real to me

like the unplayed piano in a room that was once filled with nonchalance

I miss you

---

For you, there'll be no more crying
For you, the sun will be shining
And I feel that when I'm with you, it's all right
I know it's right
To you, I'd give the world
To you, I'd never be cold
'Cause I feel that when I'm with you, I'm all right
You know it's right

sincerely, me

Controversial photos, subjective blogs, 
and awkward conversations
are your weapons of choice
And when you suddenly realize how sorry
and stupid you are
You conveniently lose your voice

You play it off like you still know me
when you talk 
You try to seem sympathetic
But I know you're just looking for ammo
when you talk
to me, you're just so pathetic

Cause you don't phaze me
I'm not that crazy

Bm5  F6 F8 F6

No, I won't let you win
You can't get under my skin
There's no way you'll get in my head
I haven't even heard a thing you've said

You are the unwanted rush of cold
that creeps its way into a shower
You are the cloud that ruins the day
the thorn that ruins the flower

You are, you are, you are insensitive
you are, you are, you are just stupid
you are, you are, you are, nothing to me

D A  G  A

There you are in front of me
but you still seem so very far
Your world is spinning around so fast
While I'm just chilling with my guitar

But please don't slow down for me
Eventually you'll do it on your own 
And then, that's the moment when
you'll find me the way you've always known

Em             A          D        A->G

So don't worry if you see me on the arm of someone else
I'll love you more after you've had some time to find yourself
And I don't care about all of the girls that make up your past
Just remember, I was your first, and I plan to be your last 

your now, your future, and your past
your thoughts, your wishes, and your flashbacks
your hopes, your dreams, your second chance
I want to be your first and last

the one you never have to ask
the one who always has your back
the one who'll take the good and bad
I want to be your first and last

This was originally written on July 12, 2006 but I just recently found it in a mess of papers.  It's about my "what-if" guy, who has always remained in the back of my mind.  Maybe one day that'll change!  Even if it doesn't, I'm happy to keep him perfectly in my memory.

sincerely, me

If I had the chance to break any rule
It would be the law of gravity
so that I could get closer to you

I was running around New York.  As in every New York dream, everyone in my life moved to New York with me so I was constantly running into people I knew.  I couldn't stop and talk for long because I was scheduled to meet Pancake so I just said my hellos and kept making my way to the pier.  When I got there, he was preoccupied with his girlfriend so I decided to meet up with RJ.  He was also way too busy for me because he was trying to come up with ways to approach the girl he loves, and by that time of the day I was sick of all this lovey dovey crap so I decided to just go and spend some quality time in isolation.  I came across a tattoo shop and a lovely symbol of revenge caught my eye so I decided to get it done on my wrist.  The artist turned out to be really attractive and we hit it off!  Next thing you know, we went out on a date but he turned out to be a hardcore party-goer which clearly clashed with me so I concluded that I was fed up with men and I wanted to live the rest of my life in seclusion.  As i was trying to find a place to retreat to, I heard a mob of people approaching.  They were actually looking for me because apparently I had been away for quite some time and Pancake and Rj realized how poorly they treated me so they informed everyone that I might be in danger since I disappeared in such a mess.  I really wanted to be alone so I ran around the city desperately searching for a safe place to hide.  I ducked into Everyday Music (the New York location) and I heard one of the clerks talking about the significance of the basement of the shop.  Apparently, some really famous musicians would use the basement as a workshop, and when they really needed to escape this world they would hide out in one of the secret rooms that had a guitar case as an entrance.  I thought that would be the best place for me so I sought refuge there and to my surprise I found myself in a simple room supplied with a desk, a twin bed, some paper, a quill with ink, and a guitar--the bare necessities.  I quickly shut the guitar case behind me without any thoughts of when I was to open it again for I was ready to leave everything behind to enjoy a life dedicated to music.  As for the mob, they figured that a cd shop would be the best place to find me, however, they found a different world when they opened the guitar case--a world that could've pleased anyone with it's endless green meadows and breath-taking blue skies--though it was a world without me.

sincerely, me

http://www.imeem.com/keithc/music/_lIZPJkA/ella_fitzgerald_they_cant_take_that_away_from_me/
 
This is the story of a guy and a girl from two different worlds
Fate happened to bring them together for one, brief moment in time
But reality tore them apart

It is highly unlikely that their paths will ever cross again
and this, she knows--yet she cannot help but hope
that just once, when that familiar figure turns to face her
and she listens intently for the charm in his voice
she won't have to let out a long, desolate sigh

I felt like I needed to shake up my summer a little bit so I decided to volunteer at the national bboy competition.  I ended up working the door at UBC, taking care of the guest list and will-call.  A huge influx of guests came at one time so I was getting caught up in the hustle-and-bustle of things until the other volunteer called out "hey get TKO signed up".  Due to my ADD, I stopped and thought about how awesome that name was!  It reminded me of playing video games and hearing "T....K....Ooooooh!"  I snapped back to reality and there was this guy who had this certain aura about him which totally captivated me.  He was charming and polite right off the bat, but I could tell that his mind and heart were focused on the competition and what this day had in store for him.  It wasn't his good looks or his bboy status that caught my eye, but it was the drive he had in him.  I totally admire people who actually have ambition in their lives so TKO left quite an impression on me though nothing extraordinary happened up until that point.  I was excited at the opportunity to speak with him again--partially because I just love to meet new people, but mostly because I wanted to pick apart his brain about this whole break dancing thing which was so new to me.  I had a close call when he approached me after a short while but he was simply asking about where he could get some water.  When I had the chance to watch a battle up close, that's when things started to pick up.

I wanted to get a good view and I just so happened to find an empty spot beside TKO.  I was kneeling next to him but I guess he noticed that something was obstructing my view so he moved over and offered to have me sit closer to him.  Without hesitation, I accepted his kind gesture and we thoroughly enjoyed the battle together.  I know at this point I sound like some boy-crazy stalker but that's totally not it.  I sincerely appreciated the whole break dancing scene and I was so impressed with all the talent I saw at the event.  I also just love to be with people who are passionate about life (or something in their lives) so it was natural for me to feel attracted to TKO because I got that sense from him. 

I was happy that he was there to share this new experience with me.  It was pretty stellar to see all these creative moves that the dancers did but it was even better to see TKO's reaction.  He was totally into it and there would be times when he's jump up and cheer or he'd lean over and share comments with his crew.  I love witnessing people get all worked up when they're in their element.  It's the same feeling I get when David Usher performs, or when Kobe's in the finals.  It helps me appreciate my own elements and it reminds me of the joys in life that are worth living for. 

That moment with TKO was short, but sweet.  I'll probably never see him again since I'm such a noob in the world of break-dancing and he lives all the way in Calgary.  Even still, I'm thankful for those mere 5 minutes we spent together.  II know I make too much out of things (as I've said before, I get excited for paper clips!) but yeah, it keeps me entertained; it keeps me smiling all the time, just thinking about these random things.  I try to get something out of every experience.  That way, no time goes to waste and you have this constant satisfaction with life that can give you that extra "umph" to just keep going. 

"we may never, never meet again
on this bumpy road to love
still, I'll always, always keep the memory of..."

Oh, yes.  I also got to see TKO dance in some of the random battles and he melted my heart when he did a spin on his elbow so effortlessly!  That's like my favourite move =)

sincerely, me